I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion. ~Jack Kerouac

I just got back from my cottage. I woke up at 7 am voluntarily. Thats because i went to bed at midnight. And that is as long as I can sleep. I bought a Wisconsin state parks pass, and it has been in my car all week. and this morning I wanted to take of the old 2 passes and then put up the new one. but i cant find the new one. And thats not cool.

The other day we were shopping and I got a new shirt, and i wanted to wear it right away, so i changed in my car. Carrie ripped the tag off the back of the shirt for me. Then we were walking through walmart, when i realized that the sticker was still on the front of my shirt. So that made me look like quite an idiot.

Its so rainy that my car was parked in a swamp in the grass last night. I got all wet trying to walk out to my car this morning. The lake was so high that it was touching the bottom of the dock. That means it should stop raining. We played cards last night and I lost more money than I won. I only know how to play one card game, its called tonk. One time in study hall Mr. Warner taught me, Leah, Sheila, and Alyssa Haak how to play sheephead. They were going to teach me that last night but instead we just played tonk because i already knew how.

"People of my generation, we weren't properly educated. We grew up in a desert. I didn't read any Western literature until I was over twenty. It was too late. The result is that we don't think very deeply." -Liu Xiaobo (China Wakes)

Reading this book, it has made me realize that we take our education for granted. like the fact that I am really lucky to be able to attend college when in most other countries the literacy rate is around 50%. It makes you want to do something about it, but what can you really do? Like here we are, we were given the oppertunity to read, write, and think in a complex manner. We should be sharing this with the rest of the world instead of using this knowledge to drain money from everyone and everything. One of the reason that China, amoung other countries, cannot get a revolution with a new form of government is because the current government does not eduacate the people. And without this knowledge, they do not know taht life can be better and they can change their country. I just read a book about modern day slavery (Disposable People) and these two books have really made me realize that if you look at the whole world, life really sucks. We have it real good and we dont even realize everything we have.

The other day I turned on my computer and i got a message from Carrie. It said 'taco' repeadetly, and then it said, "Juliane has split ends". That is something I really needed to know.

I bought a scrapbook yesterday and a whole bunch of stickers and random pieces of paper. I made one page in my book but there are so many to make and i am real excited. Not as excited that I am going to throw up though. But i did get a lot of cool stuff.

I made my friends breakfast today and it actually tasted like food. I was quite surprised with it. Cooking is not my fortay. I am sposed to be Carries Richard Simmons and make her excerise but lately i have been real lazy. I am a disgrace to Richard Simmons. Carrie calls me 'chunkers' and i think its funny.

im getting real old because I cant stay up past like 3 am anymore. Like i used to be such an insomniac and only get like 3 hours of sleep a night. Then i started taking these pills like 3 months ago. they are sposed to slow down the activity in my brain stem or something like that (i have something thats called "New something something something daily headaches") I really dont pay enough attention when my doctor is trying to tell me what is wrong with me. but the pills i am on knock me out at night so i actually sleep. and its weird because now i actually need a full 6 hours of sleep a night and stuff. and i started reading this book about China in the beginning of April, and usually I can read books real fast because I dont ever sleep. But now i sleep and i am getting nowhere in my book. But its real weird to think how different it is now, like i dont wake up screaming my head off anymore and i dont wake up shaking and gasping for air like i used to. I really actually sleep now.

I bought some new clothes yesterday and now i have no money. I bought a new skirt but i cant get dressed up and make my friends go out to eat with me bacause i have no money to go out to eat. but my skirt is mauve. jenny said its not pink. i dont wear pink. i dont wear mauve either. but now i do.

I am real excited to move because I think it is going to be a good time. Like not the actual moving processing of taking everything I own and bringing it to Oshkosh, but like once we get there and stuff. I have our kitchen table in my basement, but out of 4 legs there are only 3 attached. That could be a problem, if its not fixed. I ordered virus software for my computer today. I am getting rebates so that in the end it is free, but actually I had to hand over $50 today and thats a lot of money for a poor girl like me. Good thing I have a credit card. I figured it out, and if everyone payed me back, I would have over $300. Do you know what I could do with $300? I could put it in my savings account. no lie. You know how they always say that you should only borrow out money when you can afford not to be payed back. Well see, maybe I am just real naive, but I borrow money to people even when I know I shouldnt. There are people out there who need it at certain times worse than me. But then, in the case of my sister, some people just dont make it a priority to pay others back. And I need to be payed back. If I did have extra money right now, I would probably do one of two things. I would either use it to get my brakes fixed (because they are gettin real bad) or I would buy a camera. I know which one I should do, and I know which one I would do if i had the money. Life is just tough like that, I guess.

"my butt itches like jello in a ziploc bag". no lie. i made my friends sleep in my bed with me last night. good thing i have a queen sized bed otherwise we would have problems. i have to go to work soon and i dont want to because i am sick of being nice to people. i want a job where i can be real mean. i am drinking green koolaid. me and my friends were going to get up this morning and do something excersize related but instead we slept all day. oops. one time my brother made koolaid and he put so much sugar in it that it was real thick and it was almost not liquid. it was real gross. thats my life story.

i never really realized that i was on my computer 24/7 until my computer was unhooked. now i am lonely because i dont have a computer. well i do but its not hooked up. my dad is fixing both of jenny's computers so he is using mine because out of all the computers in the house, mine is the easiest to move because my desk is on wheels. so all day i have been wandering around my house, looking for other things to do. so somehow i ended up on my moms computer.

vaughn left me a comment yesterday because noone ever has. and now i have one. exciting, isnt it?

today i was doing yardwork and my hands were all wet and muddy but it is so cold outside and i was just freezing. but then i was thinking about how the coldest i have ever been was when we saw the chili peppers for the first time. it was pouring rain, and it was freezing. FREEZING. me and juliane were standing on the bleachers just shaking and hugging eachother trying to get warm and enjoy the concert. but it was so cold and it was just pouring out. so now whenever i get really cold i think about being outside in the freezing rain and that is definalty the coldest i have ever been in my whole life.

i am reading this book about china and it is so weird just to try to understand how corrupt the chinese government is. like the chinese officails are so good at putting on an act for the rest of the world that we really cant get an idea of how corrupt it is unless we go there and expirence it for ourselves. like you have to get a permit to be able to live in any city. the officials take bribes for anything, they try to hand out crazy fines just so that you have to hand over money so you dont get a ticket. or the officials will steal your property and sell it back to you. and their whole population problem. they are only allowed to have one kid. so they use ultrasound machines and if it is a girl they have a second or third trimester abortion. and abortions in china are nothing like abortions in the usa, sterilization is not common. so that leaves many women with their lives at stake, or they become sterile. or women just have the girl and suddenly the baby will disappear. they are either killed and thrown in a river, or they are sent to be raised by relatives, and the birth certificates become 'missing', so that these women are not documented as already having their one child. and still, they hope for a boy. and right now, china's male to female ratio is so unbalanced. like in 20 years, there will be no females for the males to marry. so all these baby boys arent going to be able to start families. and they will see a hugh decline in their population then, because they will have no girls to be having babies. its just so strange to think that a society can be run on corruption and greed. maybe it is because i am only familiar with living in a capitalistic society. crazy.

its close to the end of may and it is freezing outside. june 10th, june 10th. it still could snow, only until june 10h. because one year it did. i am going to go vaccuum.

every time i see my albino sheep on my computer i think of the sheep with the gland problem.

the coolest thing ever happened yesterday. THE COOLEST THING EVER. me and jenny went to green bay, and we were at a set of lights. she pointed to a car, and was like, hey, that looks like your old car. and i was like, sure does. and then the car drove past, and i was lookin at the back of it, and it totally was my old car, she still had my yellow dave matthews sticker on the back. it was so cool. it really was. i cant believe that car is still out there, workin and stuff. carrie broke off half the horn once and it was the funniest thing i have ever seen in my life. real funny. but that like just made my day, seeing my old car in green bay. that sentence rhymed. for real.

ok lets talk about how much of an idiot kristin is. so i went into marys sunday night to get my schedule. i wrote down that i work 430-cl on tuesday. so today is tuesday, right. i got up this morning, played around on my computer, watched days of our lives, took a nap (yeah i know my day is exhausting), took a shower, then i went to carries to walk her big retard of a dog. i get home, and i am about to get ready for work. i see i have a message on my machine. guess who its from - marys. i was sposed to work 1130-730 today. completly missed that. so i called and talked to dee, who was like, well its ok your crazy, you are in the middle of finals. and i was like, yeah. i guess when i read the schedule, i wrote down the hours of the person underneath my name. so they got someone to cover me (it was vickie, she answered the phone when i called and i felt like an even bigger idiot), and dee told me to take the night off and study and stuff. well and i thought maybe i just wrote down someone else schedule cuz theres 3 kristins there now and he doesnt always stick the w on mine so i usually just make sure we are spaced far enough apart (he puts the servers on the top, then the hosts and the bussers, but sometimes he sticks me in the middle where he sticks people that dont always work there cuz i dont always work there). so i could be at work right now makin some cash to put in my empty gas tank. but im not. im so hard up for cash right now too. but thats nice cuz i do have my philosophy final tomarrow and i need to start hardcore studying. well thats a day in my life.

i went yesterday to get my robe for graduation. the thing is like 3 sizes too big on me and it smells bad. the lady said to me, "now dont forget to wear clothes underneath your robe". i just thought that was strange. i dont even want to go to graduation. it is going to be so hot and sweaty all packed into a gym. how stupid. oh well.

i am watching good day live. i hate the show, but i always watch it because days is on right after and that is the only show i like to watch. marlena came back to life to haunt salem and is going to kill them all. thats what she told celeste.

i only have 1 more final left and i dont want to take it because it is a 2 hour essay test and that is just a lot of thinking at one time. but after that i am done and then i can enjoy summer. we really are going to play tennis. and get tennis skirts. we sell them at my work. no lie. i have a $25 gift card for my work and i dont know what to blow it on. i just got new rollerblades and i love them. except theres no one to ever go rollerblading with.

"waste as much time as possible; otherwise you end up doing a lot of things you really dont want to". thats a line from the best book EVER. i forgot i had that book because right after i got it everyone else wanted to read it too and i just got it back. and it is so funny.

when i got my hair cut, she parted it kinda off centered, and i said that to my mom. and my mom goes, "yeah, thats what they do to people with crooked heads". i laughed so hard at that. you can only tell my head is crooked when i wear sunglasses though. i just try to tilt my head so it doesnt look so strange.

i am going to take a nap before days is on.

welcome to wisconsin. the best place to live if you are a penguin, a cold blooded reptile, or a flesh eating dragon.

the worms are out.

when i was little i never really had any desire to be a princess. i always wanted to be something cool. like a pirate. and i always wanted to fly. i think that would be so cool.

you know how people always say if they suddenly had a million dollars, they would keep their job because otherwise they would get bored? id quit both my jobs. id just get all these cool new hobbies that ive always wanted. like id learn morse code. and i would get real good at saying the alphabet backwards. as much as i practice that, you think i would be good at it. but i still get confused. id learn how to tell time by looking at the sun. id learn how to ride horses. i would take human hair and spin it into yarn and make clothes. you can do that, you know. i saw it on tv. i would buy a big boat and live on it. like bo and billie. except it would be kristin and her boat.

i learned how to sell things on ebay today. i listed my chem book. if you want a chem book, buy mine. its on ebay.

without hair, the back of my neck is starting to get real lonely.

you wouldnt believe how little shampoo it takes to wash my hair. its amazing.

nothing can go faster than the speed of light. isnt that crazy? if anything could go faster than the speed of light, that is how time travel works. because you would be going so fast you would pass time and could go back. they think photons might be traveling faster than the speed of light because no one has ever measured the speed of a photon, because they appear as if time has stopped. crazy. if we could time travel and go back farther in history, we might end up making it so that we are never born. but we would already be there. so would we be alive?

me and jenny saw the best movie tonight. THE BEST MOVIE. we saw kill bill volume one at the cheap theater. and the best part is that we sat in one of those couch seats. like the make out seats. but we didnt make out, we just watched the movie. and it was so good. let me tell you. we are going to see volume two because now we have to. it just ends, and your like, ummm hey i wanna see the rest. so we are going to. we drove to regal from the valley fair mall (we didnt speed because jenny wont speed, the cruise control was set to 34 mph) and there wasnt another one tonight because it was already late. but i so wanna see the second one right now.

i decided tonight that i was going to get my hair cut now. we measured my hair and there is 10 inches that i can loose and donate it. and i have to do it tomarrow otherwise i am going to change my mind and keep putting it off. im kinda scared. mostly excited. i havnt had short hair since like 4th grade. and that was a long time ago. i called tonight and they were closed but she said they are open tomarrow. so i am so going to do it.

that movie inspired me to learn japanese even more than the cd in jennys car that we listen to on the way to taco bell. where is the bank?

i am watching my albino sheep. pure entertainment.

i decided that i am going to make my friends learn how to play tennis. tennis seems like an easy sport, and its something active. and that way we are doing something. i think it sounds like a good idea. i really dont have a lot of coordination and i fall over when i walk, but i think i might be able to play tennis. carrie said i am in charge of forcing her to excersize. so i decided its tennis. except we have no raquets. or a court to play on. ahh those are just minor details.

"ill have a cream soda. old fashioned."

i had to count to 146 tonight, twice. and i kept screwing up so i did it like 12 times. it was hard work. but at the same time i was watching angels in the outfield. so that complicated my counting.

my camera is going to cost like 5 million dolllars to fix. snot cool. so i am thinking about maybe just not fixing it and getting a new camera. plus i have my digital camera. i can use it just fine, but i havent figured out how to use any of the cool effect buttons. and i really havent figured out how to use the paintshop program thing to manipulate the photos. cuz there are some pictures i took in st louis that are too dark and would look better if i could figure out how to lighten them up.

i used my credit card for $1.35 tonight. isnt that sad? its like the world is coming to an end because i didnt have the cash to buy a bottle of water and starburst at copps. but the funny thing is, we got to the movie, and between me and jenny we were a dollar short on cash. and i found 50 cents in my purse and a fifty cent piece but we figured we couldnt use that so we went out to her car to find 50 more cents. but it was funny because we went to the cheap theater and couldnt even afford it. ha.

i am listening to old school matchbox 20 because that is what i always used to listen to in like middle school and it reminds me of that. so i downloaded like that whole cd. i downloaded a bunch of jewel too, because we always used to listen to that cd. yes i illegally download music. sorry. its an addiction i cant help. at least i dont rob banks. or write down that i am going to rob a bank and then go do it. because that would be evidence against myself.

"and she made me shower with my pants on" the credit goes to juliane for that one. i am still laughing at her. ha. that is seriously the funniest line i think i have ever heard.

yes i am avoiding my 10 page paper which is like around 7 pages done. so i am getting somewhere. i just dont have the patience to want to do it. is it crazy that i compulsivly brush my teeth? i was thinking about this before. why am i so abnormal that i brush my teeth all the time? ive already brushed them 3 times today and i will again before i go to bed. why? it is just one of those questions that i will never know the answer too. but i aspire too. maybe i have a surpressed fear of gingivitis.

i am listening to my super cool savage garden cd. rock on. nothing better to listen too while pretending to write a paper. i bought some icecream at copps tonight and i swear it had pecans in it on the box, but i got home and there werent any. i think i might have grabbed the one next to the one i was reading. or i am loosing my mind. either way, i did not have pecans in my icecream. i know that was a good story. NOT.

at camp once, this girl wanted to see who was singing in the shower so she stood on the sink. and then it broke. it flooded the bathroom. her name was belinda.

you know how they say 'good things come in small packages'? well cant bad things come in small packages also? i know i wouldnt want a little bag of dog poop. and that, my friend, is an example of a bad thing in a small package.

ok so i had an idiot moment driving home from school today.....well ok heres the thing. one time last year when me and jenny were driving to minnesota, i had this big cut on my lip because i was attacked by my spiral notebook and the wire in my notebook left a nice cut on my lip. and we were in her car, driving and stuff, and i was looking out the passenger window, and i was licking the cut on my lip because it hurt. we drove past a truck and the guy started honking at us, and i realized it was because i was licking my lip and staring right at him. but anyways today for some reason i was driving home and i am still not sure why, but my mouth was wide open and i was driving with my tounge sticking out. and then i realized how much of an idiot i looked like and i laughed at myself. i hate it when i start laughing and there is no one else there to see what is so funny. and that was the highlight of my day

if i could be ruler of the world for one day heres what id do

1. eliminate homework to make learning more exciting and time out side of school spent on fun, not studying
2. id give myself the power to fly because that would be so cool. so cool.
3. i would put golden tickets in candy bars and give people tours of my chocolate factory
4. icecream would be free. dairy queen would be heaven
5. i would take half the people in china and distribute them randomly in other countries to help elimanate their population problem.
6. i would get rid of sleep. there would be more time in the day to get things done, and sleep would be like a luxery. like you can do it if you want, but it wouldnt be neccesary.
7. all really cold days and really hot days would be gone so you wouldnt ever have to wear a jacket and it would be really nice out all the time. and you could go to the beach with your friends at any time.
8. the whole concept of money would be gone. the world would go back to the barter system. ill give you three clams and a pumpkin for that turkey sandwich
9. i would be that girl that cured aids. they wouldnt call it aids anymore, theyd call it the kristin disease

wouldnt i be a good world leader? next time you vote, write me in under the line 'world dictator'. i think i might have a shot at winning.