I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion. ~Jack Kerouac

I WAS NOT PICKING MY NOSE I WAS READING. take that carrie. with a grain of salt. why dont y0u just take it out and wash it off? it comes out the front, doesnt it?

My cell phone is kinda the opposite of working. Its definitely broken. Heres the problem with that: I really cant afford to buy a new phone. Or fix the scratch on my car. Or pay for England. So, here is what is going to happen this week- I am going to recieve a call (on the house phone since my cellular is playing dead), and I am going to find out that I have a rich distant relative who has recently died and left his or her estate to me. Then I could get a new phone, get my car fixed, afford to live here, go to England, go to Hobby Lobby, AND get a mail order husband. just kidding. I am never getting married. I never want to have the pleasure of being in a serious relationship again. Why? Because its lame. Real lame.

We got satalite tv, so me and carrie just watched Reno 911 (even though it was a rerun and i have it on dvd) and south park, and now Sex in the City. I love having tv again.

I am going to go to England where they say 'birds' and 'geezers' and 'bloody'. Cool, huh? I just ate a banana and I am drinking koolaid lemonade. That makes it yellow day. I brushed my hair and now it is real soft. I am learning about the history of geography. It would be a lot cooler if I was doing this in England.

Im bored. Its just about 4 am. My roomates are gone. Juliane went to bed. And, as I was leaving her house, I was thinking, Im wide awake, so I will just go home and watch tv. I forgot we dont have cable. So I am trying to entertain myself with the internet, but the internet is not as cool when you have no money to buy anything. Its real cold in my room. But I am too lazy to get up and put my bathrobe on. I broke a nail at TJ Maxx this week. I bit my tounge like last week and it is still swollen. And it hurts to eat sugar.

I hate it when you are sitting in class and the girl behind you is talking about how one of her friends cheated on his girlfriend last night. First of all, the classroom is not the place to be discussing the issue. And second, I have no compassion towards anyone who cheats. If you do that, you got a slap in the face coming. And thats that.

Another thing that really irritates me are those people who are all talk. Like they sit there and share their opinion on something, and are all riled up over it, but then take no action. For example, the presidential election. I think that if you are going to discuss politics at all, you should vote in the election. Because what is the point of supporting a canidate and then not even voting? Thats like saying, I really want some of that chocolate cake over there, but I am not going to get up and do anything about it. The only reason I refered to chocolate cake is because I like chocolate. And cake.

I wish both my roommates would break up with their men, and come home to me. I will make them breakfast. And my life wouldnt be so empty. No, its not that bad, I can sit here and do whatever I want and not get yelled at. If you are in the mood for getting yelled at, go grocery shopping with my roommates. Ha. "We have ritz crackers. We have peanut butter. We have ziplock baggies. Make your own." Carrie wont let me drop out of school. Tomarrow is Saturday and my day is going to be spent studying all day. Because I never study and I reallly should be. But it is more exciting to hang out with Carrie than it is to learn about how half the world is illiterate and the other half is dying of aids. Like I really like my geography class because it is so interesting, but it just shows how much the world sucks and how much we take for granted because we have showers and school and doctors. And how much Americans suck because they never do anything for anyone else. After just finishing a book about China and how tough it is there, and I am almost done with a book on slavery and how there are like 10 million people in slavery TODAY, and taking this geo class, I learned that the world sucks and thats all there is to life.

I was bored the other day so I downloaded some Ricky Martin. And now that is on my computer. Im kinda frightened for myself.

Carrie and I walked to Pick N Save to buy our periodicals. On the way back, we noticed a cop car. So Carrie says to me, 'hey do you think they will pull us over for drunk driving?' To which I reply, 'No, probably not'. Then she says, 'Good, because I am not wearing my corrective lenses.'

Guess what....Carrie and I are going to a meeting about going to Europe. To learn. And be European. Cool, huh? I am really excited. I have looked in both the Post Crescent and the Oshkosh Northwestern, and I have found no jobs. Sad, I know. I havent really done much studying because I am always at work, then me and Carrie just sit around. Its all Carrie's fault, really. She is contributing to my delinquincy by being lazy with me. We had spaghetti tonight. By fault of my bad joints, I dropped all the noodles in the sink. Then we cleaned them. And ate them anyways. And I wonder why I am always sick.

I really wanted to get a lot of stuff done today but here it is, 9 pm, and I am dead tired and completely full. Well, (get ready for the lame story of my day) I did go to the bank (at the mental health center) and to target and copps and hobby lobby (dont fear, I only spent like $5 on clasps and crimping beads and string), and I did apply for a job online. I need a new job. I want one where I can dress up all the time. Wouldnt that be fun? I think so. I cleaned out my dresser today. I am no longer the girl with an excessive amount of panties. I had 2 drawers in my dresser just for socks and underwear, and that means I didnt have a lot of space for my clothes, since I lack a closet. So I got rid of a whole bunch of socks and underwear so that I can finally put some clothes in my dresser instead of just stacking them in random places around my room. I cut my hair today. I think it looks good, but I dont know if it really does. Because obviously I think it looks good if I am the one that did it. I tried to get rid of my wings, except I think they are still there, just shorter.

So, I stopped at my parents last night, and my dad was looking at his insurance changes online. He had me get out all my drugs, so he could price them out. Then I told him that he needed to look at Imitrex also because right now I just klept samples from my doctor, but she keeps saying she has to write me up a prescription soon. And she has been saying this for about a year. But anyways, Imitrex is $136 for just 9 pills. So I figured it out, and I take about 8 pills every 3 months or so. And with my other prescriptions, that means I would be spending almost $900 a year on drugs. That is not cool. That doesnt even count the random drugs that I get put on for every other crazy problem I find. Or copays. THIS SUCKS. For real. I am so mad about being an adult right now. Like how can I afford college and prescription drugs and put gas in my car with the job I have now? Not going to work, let me tell you.

So. Heres how my weekend went in a few short quotes:
"I have to check this man's vitals"
"please pass grandma"
"60% soy"

We went to taco bell the other day, and there were like 3 or 4 boys in the field between Taco Bell and Express. They were using wooden boards and other blunt objects to beat mice that lived in the field. Everytime they killed one, they would pick it up by its tail and throw it on the pile. I am only sharing this story because it is rather disturbing.

I couldnt sleep last night because I thought I was going to vomit, so I was looking on ebay. I found the coolest old pin. Super tacky. And I bid on it at 330 am. There were only a couple hours left and, to my surprise, someone outbid me in that time. I am so mad right now.

I just bought a bathrobe at Lands End. It is blue and it is monogrammed to say 'Kitty". I am in love with it. Carrie said I can wear high heels with jeans.

My number one choice from my personality test said I should go to college to become a museum curator. I really dont care what I am going to major in anymore, but I just want to be able to wear dress up clothes all the time. Not safari clothes. No tacky khaki for this girl. I got my stitches out today. My finger is still fatter than normal and kinda scabby, but its all good. I still cant really bend my knuckle though.



Just another manic Sunday. Night.

Did you know that 70% of the US population has gingivitis? Not me, I use listerine. Also, under 50% of Americans floss on a daily basis. I never floss. I dont know anyone that does. Once, out of nowhere, we were in the car, and Jenny asked if anyone had some dental floss, and Carrie pulled some out of her purse. It was real odd.

i went to bed last night only to find the furby in my bed. he is still on my computer desk but he is sleeping soundly. Just like I will be fairly soon. Ive given up on homework for the day, since I spent my early evening avoiding homework. But I bought a real shiny folder. And a tacky 80s folder. And a pretty purple pen. And then I did some german in purple pen. Then I quit. Lame story, huh. My tounge hurts. I got to stop licking things. Like my bra wire, and the tire gauge and my new pen. We walked our bikes, all three of us, together. We walked our bikes all the way down the road. I think that looked strange. Very strange. I wish we had another Furby so that they could talk and play together. I think the furby is mad at me cuz he isnt waking up. Dead Furby. 4 days until I can shower without wearing a rubber glove. Carrie gets the pleasure of living with the neighbors tv on. I aspire to be an astronaut so that I can get paid for sleeping standing up. I need a major, any suggestions that arent lame are helpful. Today Carrie pointed out how old ladyish I am. And its true, thats the sad part. Pretty soon I am going to be beating the neighbor kids with my cane. You got blueberry syurp on my safari jacket.

Just to let you know I am on my 4th shirt for the day. Carrie is telling Jim lies about me. I was putting these brain cells to good use when I decided to take a break. So I am illegally pirating music. My nose is cold. I bought frozen peas tonight.

I just stuck my hand in carries pocket and got the surprise of my life. There were a bunch of sharpies and some pens. I was not expecting that. We just ate dinner. Then we are going Jim shopping. The thing I love most about this house is the Furby. eleven dollars. I excerised yesterday. Excercised my right to vote. Ive been to so many Shopkos this week and last week. Its like an international Shopko road trip.I need to brush my teeth. One of my plants was lookin real sad so I had to put it in the window in the bathroom. I should be doing my laundry. Or studying. Or playing Nintendo. Or reading my latest crazy person book. But instead I am just sitting here, waiting for Carrie. And I am downloading a John Denver song. Take me home. Country roads. Except we are listening to Maroon 5. I secretly love Maroon 5. I cant bend my finger. I wore my new sandals today. New sandals, compliments of Carrie. Thats why I live here, I can listen to salt n pepa and I get free sandals. I used my stapler last night. its blue. I just spilled on the shirt i was wearing, and I changed. I am on my third shirt for the day. Last time I cooked for Juliane I went thru a lot of shirts. I got my oil changed today. But my baby stills needs a wash. And I need to get that giant scratch off my car. I love my new pillow. I thought Jim klepted my sandals this weekend, but really, after Jim got done wearing them, Carrie wore them, and left them in her room. And now i have new ones. im outtie

Me and Carrie played tennis today. My stitch hurts. bad idea. Dont play tennis if you are injured. I hate my printer. It never works. It will print the first 2 pages normally, but anything after that it needs a break other wise it only prints half of a line. How lame. Me and Carrie went to teen night at the mall. It total sucked. I feel like I am going to vomit. So I am going to bed because I work all day tomarrow. And I dont think I can bring a sandwich because I think we are out of bread. I am so mad at my printer. SO MAD. I guess I cant blame it since it is from like 1993, but still. Carrie and Juliane have the same hot pink shirt, and they both wore it Saturday. Except they didnt see eachother, I saw them both at different times. And it took me 2 days to realize that it was the same shirt. I am on my third year of college. That makes me real old.

So, since i have lived in oshkosh, i have hurt myself with a butter knife twice, the second time being today. I accidentally stabbed my middle finger and the butter knife went DEEP. So I just got stitches. But I got free rubber gloves to wear when I shower. And the dr said I was a real tough girl cuz I didnt flinch when he gave me the 4 shots, and I didnt flinch when he stuck in the needle. I watched. He said I was officially a pro at getting stiches. This was my 4th time. Sad, I know. ha. I looked like an idiot because I had to explain to 2 nurses and the dr what happened. Who stabs themselve so hard with a butter knife? my finger is numb.

I went to the doctor yesterday. My pelvic bone was sitting crooked in my body. So he snapped it back into place. And everything hurts worse today because of that. But he said I will be all better. Except I almost puked again today. Other than that my life has been pretty much on the boring side. Oshkosh can get real lonely when you dont know anyone and your roomates go to p-ville EVERY WEEKEND. But now Juliane lives in Oshkosh, and I already warned her that she is pretty much stuck hanging out with me every weekend that they are gone. Well and she has to hang out with me at other times too since we are friends and stuff. I am so drugged up right now from all my prescribtions that this morning I was just completey confused at work. Yeah so Walgreens told me that my insurance wouldnt cover one of my prescribtions, so they charged me $20 more for it. So yesterday I spent a total of $65 just on drugs. The prescription kind. Thats one thing I dont enjoy about being all grown up, is getting sick and having to spend a million dollars a month on prescriptions. Do you know what I would do if I had a million dollars? I would buy a boat and live on it. Like Bo Brady used to.

So I woke up this morning puking my guts out. And (not that you want to know this) it really was my guts because it was all clear. And then I went to work, vomited twice more, and was home by 1130. And my kidneys feel like they are being attacked. by your mom.

I broke my cellular phone today. oops. I am rather upset because that phone has to last me until I win the powerball or rob a bank. I am in search of a job. There are two requirements - it has to pay well, and not be in customer service. I am sick of customers yelling at me. Sick of it. I dont get paid enough to put up with it. Half of my pinkie toenail fell off today right as we were leaving Juliane's dads wedding. It was strange. But it hurts. I love my new pillow.

I was just in the bathroom taking out my contacts, when my hand spasmed feriously and my contact fell on the ground. so then i threw it out. Every time I sneeze, I get real cold. Its real weird. your mom called. I dont stick my finger in my butt crack. Carrie does though. So Carrie came to the decision that her hand looks like ET (yep, shes crazy) and so we were both lying in my bed when she holds up her hand in ET position, and sets it in between us on the bed. Like it really was ET or something. I would say it was the strangest thing that happened tonight, but it is not by far. I walked the long way to the bathroom when I could have gone the short way. Everyone says its real hot in here but I am so cold. I think they are making up stories to confuse me. It is almost 3 am. If I was matchbox 20, I would be lonely. enema, $5. Im spasing out because it is 3 am. And I dont have the patience to go to bed right now. I HURT MY BLADDER ROLLERBLADING. I have a stapler. If you ever need anything stapled, just let me know. I watched Rebel Without A Cause once and I cried. Jenny put her hand in my pocket (almost like alanis) and it tickled more than anything has ever tickled. EVER.

Ive decided I have 3 main goals in my life right now:
1. I am going to memorize my drivers license number
2. Someday I am going to write a book
3. At some point, I am going to eat a packet of silica gel, just because it says 'do not eat'. What if its really good and we dont know what we are missing because we dont eat it?

So the thing I dont get is why on those anti-marijuana commercials they can scream, "It's just a little pot". But in music videos and other forms of pop culture, any time someone uses the word 'pot' or 'weed' or 'ganja' or 'reefer' (to name a few), it has to be edited out. So why does the Partnership for a Drug Free America have the right to scream 'pot' out on tv?

It is a real chill out,
The genuine thing.
I am not deceived, I do not think it is still summer
Because sun stays and birds continue to sing.

It is summer-gone that I see, it is summer-gone.
The sweet flowers indrying and dying down,
The grasses forgetting their blaze and consenting to brown.

It is a real chill out.
The fall crisp comes
I am aware there is winter to heed.
There is no warm house
That is fitted with my need.
~Gwendolyn Brooks